The Key
She had been chasing it all day. Now, the crow had it.
Time was ticking. Time was running out. She tiptoed towards the creature, seeing the
precious key it held precariously in its sharp, cruel beak. It let out an irritating, throaty
cackle, its soot-black wings ruffling gently as it manoeuvred itself on top of the clock;
it was ready to take flight.
precious key it held precariously in its sharp, cruel beak. It let out an irritating, throaty
cackle, its soot-black wings ruffling gently as it manoeuvred itself on top of the clock;
it was ready to take flight.
Knowing she might only have a few seconds before her opportunity disappeared,
she took another cautious step forward. Time seemed to slow, her body tingled in
excitement and her heart thudded in her chest. It was now or never…
she took another cautious step forward. Time seemed to slow, her body tingled in
excitement and her heart thudded in her chest. It was now or never…
Kia Ora James!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Julia and I am a year 8 student from Yaldhurst Model School.
Ka Pai on this amazing piece of writing. I love the detail throughout it. I could really see myself where the character was. Was this a 2nd part to a story?
It is great that you added an interesting title, as it makes it an even better blog post.
To improve, maybe you can add why you did this & thoughts and feelings.
Did you enjoy this? Apart from that, great post!
Yours Sincerely,
Julia
Kia ora James,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Rhys I am a year six student from Yaldhurst Model School.
I really like your post.
I love the description you use and the words that you used, They were great!.
I think think that your story is amazing, and interesting.
Maybe next time you could add some more writing, and have an introduction a conclusion and a cool font.
Other than those things I really liked your story,
Ka Pai.
Kind regards
Rhys.
Hi James. I'm Mikael from Yaldhurst school. I really like your short story. It is really good. I think maybe you should try to explain what you wrote and what it is. And maybe put a photo on there of change the font colour to make it look cooler. But apart from that it is a good blog post.
ReplyDeleteHi James Im Shay from yaldhurst school.
ReplyDeleteI really like how your story is not long. And so then anyone can read it. Maybe next time you could try to explain it better. And maybe start it off as a normal day and then she or he lost their keys.I know its hard but maybe you could that next time. over all you did an amazing job.
- Shay...
Kia Ora James!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Julia and I am a year 8 student from Yaldhurst Model School.
Wow! I am honestly blown away by this piece of writing. The description in every sentence. There were only a few places where you could have added more description.
It is great that you have added the Writing in clear text, as it is easy to read. It is also very crucial that you have something interesting as the title and yeah, it is intriguing.
To improve, all I can say is, that maybe next time you add why you posted this and why you enjoyed writing it!
Did you enjoy writing this? Did you do this at school? Or during your own time?
Apart from that, you did great!
Nga Mihi,
- Julia